small victories

ok, one more post today.  i am listening to a rebroadcast of the show Americans in Paris, an episode of This American Life.  the first section is an interview with david sedaris, who moved to paris to be with his boyfriend.  ira glass is asking him about living in paris, about learning a new language, living in a different culture.  david talks about going only to shops and cafes where people are overly nice to him, avoiding those where he has trouble communicating which causes shame and embarrassment and spending a lot of money in a shop just so people are nice to him and don't make fun of his broken french.  i complete understand this.  at one point, ira says to him that he is observing that really, the very simplest of things, i.e. someone returning his greeting, or being patient with him trying to speak french, or just smiling at him on the street, an acknowledgment of some sort, a break thru, if even very tiny, makes him very happy.  david agrees.  he says that it used to take a lot to make him happy.  but in paris, in a different culture, it takes very little.  understanding when you are given the correct change, a smile in a cafe.  that rings true for me, and i think i've learned to be happy with the very smallest of things...it doesn't take much.  this is learned when living in a different world, and successes are things like getting what you ordered.  or saying hello and someone responds, in the native tongue.  going to the grocery store used to be torturous.  until i learned the basic exchanges that happen at the cashier's, and i could engage, and understand, and be understood.  one of my greatest joys was going into the coffeeshop on the corner a block from my apartment, ordering a double espresso, and getting it.  however, that joy could quickly plummet into depression if they asked me if i wanted milk, and i didn't understand, and it became awkward.  once we ventured past the lines i knew by heart, about ordering my exact drink, all communication failed.  sometimes we would laugh, sometimes we would just stand there in silence, me and the barista, as she made my coffee.  i would leave the shop kicking myself for not knowing russian better, not learning it fast enough.  and then i learned to be patient with myself, patient with others, and happy with the fact that at least i was trying.  and when i learned to say "have a great day!" and therefore could return their farewell as i left the shop, well, that indeed was a great day.  small victories.

gaining good karma in moscow

i got an email from a sochi colleague of mine the other day.  he's an american, and became a very good friend during our time over there.  he and i and a few other friends kept a running list of restaurants and bars we wanted to try in moscow.  i was determined to squeeze as much juice out of living there as i could.  we taped the list to the wall next to his desk and anyone could add to it.  turns out he kept that list, took it back to america with him, and he sent me a photo of it the other day.  brought back a flood of memories!  

R= restaurant, B=Bar, C=Cafe.  we made it to most of them.  but i never made it to Fat Cat, which i am sad about.  it's a tiny italian cafe with a big ol' fat cat that hangs out inside.  good italian was hard to find there, and supposedly that place was the real deal.  

one of my fave places on the list was oldich dress and drink.  a fantastic vintage-style bar/restaurant that sits below an over-priced yet very stylish vintage clothing shop.  when the store closed for the night, they opened up a HUGE trap door int he floor that revealed a staircase down into the bar.  the store had more pretension in it than one block of lorimer street in williamsburg, brooklyn.  it had a birdcage that held a tiny parakeet dripping with attitude.  but it also had fun hats.  

another frequented dining establishment was delicatessen.  and that was the scene of one of my most awkward moscow moments.  one night a group of us ate there.  we racked up a huge bill, which i put on my card, collecting the cash front he rest of the group.  i signed the bill, we got our coats from the required coat-checks that are at every moscow restaurant, and we left!  and then i remembered that i didn't tip AT ALL.  now, it maybe didn't have to be such a big deal, as tipping was a fairly new convention in moscow.  but i felt horribly guilty.  like i was a nasty, greedy, stuck-up american tourist.  and i spend a good portion (probably too much energy) of my time in any foreign land trying to be the OPPOSITE of what i think your typical american tourist is.  so i was determined to make reparations.  the next day i oriented my errands so i would be in the neighborhood of delicatessen.  and i took a wad of cash there equal to the tip we should have left.  and i used my best broken russian to explain that we ate there the night previous, and forgot to pay the tip.  well, they thought i was saying we forgot to pay AT ALL, and looked up the bills from the night before, called over our waiter, and discovered that we had paid, so tried to tell me all was ok.  however, i was not to be shooed away so easily.  i kept insisting i owed them $, which confused them, and russians are not good with confusion, as confusion usually leads to embarrassment, and russians are definitely NOT good with embarrassment.  it is the one emotion to be avoided at all costs.  it got very awkward.  the manager kept trying to back away, and then tried to apologize, which was humiliating for him and for me, and it was clear he just wanted me to go away cuz he didn't know what to do with me.  i finally just shoved the 800 rubles into the manager's hand, and fled the scene.  and tho it was extremely awkward, i felt good, that i had made reparations.  however, i have no idea if that ever came across.  does karma still work if one party has no idea that a good, right thing was done?  i hope so. 

sharing my experience: a little russia in the usa

sometimes telling stories and trying to explain my experience in russia just isn't enough.  i want people to really get a good idea, to feel it, to taste it.  SO, i hosted a russian evening at my apartment in park city.  i made several traditional russian dishes, put up a bunch of russian souvenirs/decor (including my USSR space program propaganda posters), and dressed in my furs.  i also wrote out in russian (with english translation) labels for all the food and drink and put a slide show of some of my photos showing a sampling of my life over the year+ i was there.  it was a fantastic time.  i'll let the visuals speak for themselves.

me in my fur hat and vest.  both are polar fox.  and both are real.  

the spread.  clockwise from center top: Droba, a great russian eco vodka from birch trees, my homemade horseradish-honey infusion, mors (homemade cranberry compote/drink), pickles, pickled veggies, boiled potatoes, brown bred and butter, olivier salad (potatoes, carrots, peas, egg, pickles and mayo!), and in the middle, an americanized khachapuri!  that is a really fabulously tasty salty cheese bread from georgia.  it was one of my favorite dishes over there...all of the internationals were obsessed with it.  then i have a few decorations sprinkled around the table...a little matryushka stacking doll, a mug from the railroad, and a straw "winter doll" from the maslenitsa celebration i attended last spring in moscow.  it is a celebration to say goodbye to winter, and welcome in the spring, and also happens right before lent, so everyone gorges on blini's and honey-fermented beverages.

and then everyone wanted to try on the fur hat....

i think people walked out with a little better idea of what life was like for me over there...just a tiny sampling, but enough to give them a greater appreciation.  pretty much everyone appreciated the horseradish vodka.  :)  and the khachapuri.  you can't go wrong with melty cheese and buttery pastry.  so maybe we aren't as different from each other as we think...

4th of july: back in the good ol' USA

long absence from the writing, but i am trying to get back into it.  i miss it, but i guess i feel i don't have that many interesting things to write about anymore now that i'm back home!  however, i am still processing, and i think i still have a few tricks up my sleeve...

i was filled with joy to be back in the USA for the 4th of july this year.  being in moscow, it was a nothing holiday for me last year, except a moment to mark my love for my crazy country.  this year, i was able to properly celebrate.  i participated in the annual parade that marches down main street in park city.  i was part of the group walking to represent the park city foundation, which a dear friend of mine runs.   the park city foundation raises funds every year to distribute to various non-profits in the park city area.  it's a pretty fantastic organization.  while marching that morning, it reminded me that in russia, these kinds of organizations are getting killed off every day, as any NGO is viewed with suspicion, and basically run out of town.  the foreign-run ones anyway, which i think are the majority of them, as the volunteer or "service spirit" is not as rampant in russia as it is here.   i remember one russian colleague telling me this in regards to the volunteer recruitment that is essential to running the olympic games.  they were concerned they wouldn't get enough volunteers, cuz volunteering is just not part of the culture there.  hopefully that will change, as i think many russians had a good experience volunteering at the games.  let's just hope there are some organizations left in that country to volunteer for!

back to the parade.  i marched, waving my flag, goosebumps on my arms thinking about how happy i was to be home, how proud we americans are about our country, how much we care about it and each other.  yes, yes, as i said last year, we do some pretty messed up things around the world, and i don't agree with everything the gov't does, or even my fellow americans.  but at least there is room for me to feel that frustration, that disagreement, and to voice it without fear of being thrown behind bars.  there isn't that freedom in russia.  i'm happy to be back in the good ol' USA!

however, my american holiday was flavored with a bit of my russian experience.   earlier in the week, i had made a horseradish-honey infused vodka that was inspired by the domashi (homemade) vodka i had at a fantastic georgian restaurant in krasnodar.  pic below of some of my team enjoying it...

my homemade hooch was quite a hit as well!  i have been asked to make some for my friend scott, who really took a shine to it.  i brought out the bottle to share at a BBQ and he wouldn't let go of the bottle all afternoon.  see below...

so even though i was home and enjoying all things american, i have, and will always, take a little part of russia with me wherever i go, and whenever i celebrate being an american.  cuz i think one of the most beautiful things about living in america is being able to take all of the experiences you have had and mixing them into life here.  it means knowing your place in the world, knowing where you came from, what makes you different from everyone else, and respecting those differences.  as they say, we are the "melting pot,"  or, the metaphor i prefer, the "tossed salad,"  made up of all different kinds of colors, flavors, and tastes.  now and forever my contribution to the mix will have a little flavor of russia in it.  and that makes me all the more proud.  happy 4th everyone.